its a bomb!

((　，，･з･，，　))ぶ~

are you ready for a big one?

i'm not sure whether I've brought this up but i felt like i had to, now.

For years I've prided myself on having such a thing called a 'best friend'

well, i didn't pride and boast to everyone like ' oh hey look! i have a best friend!' NO.

it's like: hey i have a friend whom i've known for several years and i'd like to call that person a best friend.

either way it sounded childish to me now.

by now, yes i admit i was naive and deserve this shame.

oh why so serious?

because i realized over the years, i've always felt like the sharing are one-sided.

i told that close friend of mine literally like everything, even those small things.

cause hey, that's what best friends do right?

in turn, that close friend of mine didn't.

thats what i felt like.

(●　´　ε　｀。●)

the feeling is retarded mostly, that close friend of mine didn't really have much in common in terms of interest.

our sense of humor and sarcasm are the only salvation, i guess.

and when hanging out during recess or whatever, i'm with another clique and she's with her many many many cliques.

i'm not that sociable, and she is. so its weird for me.

it gets even more weird when we were like talking and her friend came up and talk with her.

and im like standing there, and was like ' oh wow that happen?" (if they were talking about a certain incident)

and i wonder: how do you guys know each other? that sort of things.

like i thought, you didn't know them? and they're like of different age? cause we're like umm different levels?

tell me about it.

but no.

and she hangs out with a bunch of people which doesn't like me, or should i say hate me?

because of various reason like my clique loves to make fun of them, talk about them. not always though, but when we start, it goes on into an interesting topic to chat about. that group is popular, ingeniously.

there's so much stuffs that i wanted to put into words but i can't seem to convey my message well.

i'd probably end up skipping some parts.

so she doesn't share much and i do, makes me wonder does she even trust me?

maybe she didn't trust me enough to tell me certain things?

it gets more obvious now, ever since we changed school.

it's not a matter of feeling inferior or superior. school doesn't matter to me, it probably did for her since she don't contact me anymore.

some sort of a best friend huh, unanswered text messages and well wishes.

i asked my friend as to why this happen, they said she's probably trying to avoid me. hmm it hurts but oh well.

why does it happen?

i don't know.

it's probably my fault.

cause after all, i'm the unsociable one.

and the bitchy one.

and the pessimistic one.

and the overly sarcastic one.

i did confront, after seeking help from my friends about this matter,

as to why didn't close friend reply me.

close friend said that she didn't have WIFI.

i was taken aback because when i tweeted her, she was still in singapore. and around like a few minutes later, oh alot of minutes later,

i saw her tweeting a bunch of people, whatsapp-ing them till she get into the plane.

so technically, she has wifi till the plane takes off, so she can reply people.

but not me.

a boy.

she did tell me she likes this boy. but didn't tell me about it again after that day we met.

but told some other people about it (proves was from the tweets).

ah i get it.

i don't have any relationships before, i'd probably not know much girl advice to give. boys don't like me cause i'm ugly and boring and shit. i don't even have much male friends.

i'm obviously not the person to share/consult in this field.

゜・(つД｀)・゜ the more i write about this,

the more i'm upset about it.

i can literally feel my tears coming.

probably because i don't use much of this of social device. where in there, they made a circle.

where outings happens and mass sharing sessions happens. where inside jokes happens and you're out of it.

or maybe,

ultimately, i wasn't even a best friend, i was just a friend to her.

and she was like playing along with my childishness?

that could be it.

so now, i'd probably mean nothing to her,

that's why she's ignoring me!

its so clear now isn't it?

with this theory.

i should get a move on.

♪its just another hurricane♪

★shit happens, thats life, suck it up.

i'll suck it up all clean all right.

have you forgotten the sensitive and emotional side of me?